Stay Safe, John
by 30thCenturyBreakdown
Summary: 'I think it was the severed foot on the kitchen table that first arose my suspicions, but not for the reasons you might be inclined to assume.' Something's amiss in Baker's Street! Casual Johnlock fluff :3


I think it was the severed foot on the kitchen table that first arose my suspicions, but not for the reasons you might be inclined to assume.

Yes, it was a severed foot.

Yes, it was in dangerously close proximity to my personal stash of Jam and Nutella.

But…Sherlock would never leave his experiments unrefrigerated. He even kept fingers in the salad drawer of our usually under-stocked fridge, which he decided to never tell me about. I was still traumatised by the hideous discovery, when I had been innocently looking for carrots only a few months ago.

Maybe I was over-analysing. Maybe the foot had to be warm. Soft. Malleable.

I shuddered and it suddenly hit me that there was a bloody foot on my kitchen table.

'Sherlock!' I bellowed, a wave of nausea making an unwelcome appearance. 'For God's sake…Sherlock!'

It didn't take long. The man in question bounded in, a navy dressing gown billowing at his heels. His hair was still ruffled from sleep, but his probing eyes were awakening.

His eyes truly amazed me. They were almost the colour of pure water, and extremely striking. If I saw them on a woman, I'd immediately fall for her. And, since Sherlock was a MAN, a perfectly manly man, I'd never see him in that way. Never ever. Ever.

Then, the bastard had to do that thing he always does. The stupid 'Oh, you have a problem? No worries, I'm the Jesus of Deduction' kind of look. And God help me, it made my heart flip every time.

Sherlock instantly sensed there was a problem, but as my back was shielding the mangled limb, he was unsure of what.

'You seem very startled John, and as it's still 9:34am it must be a relatively new issue, stemming from a surprise you have only just experienced from this very kitchen,' Sherlock announced, happy to take any opportunity to show off. 'Your cheeks are flushed, suggesting a feeling of nausea has overcome you, and your right hand is shaking more than your left, which obviously demonstrates this specific problem is nearer to your right side than your left, and in your opinion, it is something disturbing, something you can't bear to look at, which again intensifies my theory that it is not only to your right, but it is also right behind you.'

Sherlock's mouth curled up in a wry smile as he paused for a breath. Sometimes, I forget Sherlock CAN breathe. The way he acts, and walks, and talks. He's not human enough.

However, I gladly took this opportunity to calmly express my issues.

'WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS THERE A SEVERED FOOT LYING NEXT TO OUR CUTLERY!'

Sherlock's eyebrows immediately furrowed, and swiftly brushed me out the way. The gasp of surprise he emitted upon confrontation with the thawing experiment soon proved his innocence.

'John….I don't mean to startle you….but I think our flat has been invaded by wicked men. That…or Mrs Hudson paws through my experiments at night.'

I managed to grab Sherlock's shoulder before he dashed off to confront the poor old landlady.

'Look, let's just think…' I reasoned, trying to maintain a composed voice. I was starting to smell the rotten foot, and vomiting was very imminent.

'I always think, John, I do nothing but think. And right now, we've got either a herd of blood-thirsty criminals after us, or a shifty housekeeper.'

As if on cue, Mrs Hudson tottered in, brandishing a tray of tea. 'Sherlock, how many times do I have to say it? I'm not-'

'Yes, yes, I know. You're not our housekeeper. I apologise Mrs Hudson. I do, however, have a simple query.' Sherlock put on his 'You can't hide anything from me' face and quickly invaded the poor old lady's personal bubble. 'Did you touch my foot last night, Mrs Hudson?'

She giggled to herself as she carefully placed the tray on the living-room table, which was currently infested with Greek dictionaries. Sherlock had impulsively decided that learning Greek may be of vital importance in the future.

'Oh Sherlock, you are a weird one sometimes' she sighed, patting him on the shoulder.

I could see Sherlock's intense gaze scanning her for clues of her innocence, or indeed guilt. His stature softened as he reached his verdict.

'I do apologise Mrs Hudson, I was too hasty in my judgement', he quickly murmured. I couldn't help but smile whenever his intelligence failed him and, for only a few times a year, Sherlock was actually wrong. It was in these lapses of his deduction skills that Sherlock's steel frame melted away, if only for a few seconds, revealing the awkward human underneath. It may sound weird but… I very much enjoyed these moments.

As soon as Mrs Hudson had shuffled out the door, I decided to leave Sherlock alone for a few hours. After all, he was going to be mulling over the supposed 'burglars' all day, and I wasn't in the mood to be dragged into his deep analytical games.

'Sherlock, I'm going to the shops, do we need-'

'MILK.'

'But…there's literally 5 cartons of milk in the-'

'MORE MILK. Milk helps me think.'

I glared at him for a short while, before grabbing my coat and wallet.

'Don't set anything on fire while I'm away, okay? And…no acid. Remember what happened last time.'

Sherlock playfully grinned as he catapulted himself onto his 'Thinking Sofa'. 'How many times must I say it, John. I was investigating the results of acid burns on wet skin and-'

'You started burning holes in the television!'

The lanky man waved away the comment, with a simple but overly used phrase of his. 'I WAS BORED!'

As I turned away to open the glazed wooden door, certain that when I returned SOMETHING would be in cinders or melted in a heap, a small voice met my ears.

'Stay safe, John.'

My mouth dried up from the sudden show of affection. I could feel my cheeks firing up, and I was certain Sherlock would pick up on this. Without a backwards glance, I bolted out of the flat, and onto the smooth paving slabs of Baker's Street.

My name is Doctor John Watson, and I'm not gay.

I simply have a tiny crush on my eccentric assexual roommate who solves crimes for a living.

...God help me.

* * *

><p>Greetings ^_^ I have an English exam tomorow and THIS was my revision xD I REGRET NOTHING! But yeah, this was rediculously fun to write so expect more Johnlock fluff soon :) xxx<p> 


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